20/01/07

i dont like making decisions! its always like times like this i wish i didnt have this want to contribute to the school. especially when im given a choice and i have to make the choice. in econs you choose the one with the most marginal benefits or the one with the least opp cost but obviously that cant be done here. my decision will impact my whole jc life! two years is not that short a time. okay so fencing or council?

see if i join council, i'll get to be a house councillor whether or not i make it to house d. so i can continue helping mt! :D and that is really exciting! and i'll get to plan and organise events so it'll be fun.. not to mention the diff people i'll meet, whether they're in the 26th, 27th or even 28th students council. council will allow me to contribute and make a difference to a larger population compared to fencing. but joining council would mean giving up lots of fencing time even if i remain in that cca. and i dont want to give up on fencing cos i still love it as a sport and i love the company too! then what about my schoolwork! haha i know many people will be like dont worry, sure can cope. but i dont think im that good at time management. and the LARGEST thing thats holding me back: my mum's disapproval. its not really wise to do smth that she's against because she'll take any opportunity she can to tell me that council is a bad choice. like how i decided to do bio physics and she was damn against it but i went ahead anyway. and now that im changing to bio chem she's like "SEE LA WHY YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME" i dont want that to happen again, let alone to something that i really want to do and i will probably enjoy. and council seems to require lots of commitment which im not very sure i can deliver. its expected that council should be our top priority but i dont really think thats possible for me cos i come from a very strict family and im the younger daughter, my parents are super protective. going out after i reach home is almost never possible and coming home after 8 (unless i've trng)=great scolding. though i know my parents try their best to let me go for diff outings and stuff, they dont approve of me going for every one. but somehow there's a diff in every outing cos sometimes its like class, other times its og or fencers and then there are outings with my sec school friends too! i dont really want them to be worried abt me and i dont want them to be unhappy so i try not to go when i can but sometimes it just doesnt feel like its enough. imagine what it'll be like if i do get into council.. it'll be zero time for friends. sometimes i really wish my parents would trust me to make my own decisions. like i know how much studying is enough and how many times i go out. i have self discipline okay!

on the other hand.. it doesnt seem that bad if i choose not to join council. first, there'll be less pressure to perform in school and i'll have more time to make sure i perform. fencing exco sounds quite fulfilling too and i think the fencers are fun! :) i still can join fire brigade and help in diff events so its not like complete exclusion from house stuff.. and i still get to continue my favourite sport! but im afraid of regrets. what if i regret not joining council. its like a wasted opportunity. happened to me in sec 2/3 when i didnt take the psl form but thankfully better things came my way. of course there's always the possibility of that happening again.. but what if it doesnt! and i dont want to have wasted the peer nominations! if people have faith in me, why dont i have faith in myself!

council or no council.. i have until tmr to decide! i dont like decision making, really. anyone can tell you that. even asking me where i want to eat is a chore for people i think. hahaha. cos i dont really want to decide. you can never please everyone. i know the key thing now is what i really want. but what i really want is the best of both worlds, which is selfish and not really possible. so now.. I NEED TO CHOOSE. ahhh save me please. thinking abt this is bad for health. should i join or should i withdraw!